August 2006


We now return to our regularly scheduled funny… 🙂

From Ben Hay’s Operating System FAQ:

How can I protect my Windows computer from Viruses, spyware, adware, malware?
Open the case. Remove the network card, floppy drive, modem, and cd/dvd drives. Fill all USB and Firewire ports with some kind of silicone based sealant.

My computer has an integrated network device and/or modem, which cannot be removed. What now?
Fill them with some kind of silicone based sealant.

How can I protect my Linux computer from Viruses, spyware, adware, malware?
I don’t understand the question.

Is Linux ready for the desktop?
Yes.

Is Windows ready for the desktop?
No.

Can Microsoft be trusted?
No.

What about Trusted Computing?
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

And from the ever-on-target FakeGayNews.com:

Faith-based Homeland Security Causes Further Delays at US Airports

[…]At Los Angeles International Airport, a group of women from Hamburg faired better when they were detained but released after several hours. After a lengthy interrogation, it was determined they were in fact, German tourists, and not lesbians.

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Been feeling very out of sorts the last day or so – that uncertain, off-balance, I-don’t-fit-anywhere sort of feeling – for no good reason.  Which typically means, of course, that there’s a very good reason that’s either being ignored or is just on the edge of consciousness, waiting for me to clue in.  Still, life is being very, very good to me right now, so this came as a bit of a shock.  But on the way home from seeing a dress rehearsal of American Shakespeare Center’s touring production of Cyrano, with Anna Marie as a thrilling Roxanne (Yes, I’m biased.  Doesn’t mean I’m not right.), singing along quite loudly to as much musical theatre as I could find in the car (this is the first time since I lost it I actually miss my iPod), it suddenly occured to me that I wasn’t tense any more.  And just as suddenly, I realized the three things missing from this good life of mine:

1. I need a plan.  Then I need to stick with it.  And it’s going to involve make some awful, upsetting choices, and I’m going to need to hope the people who love me will keep loving me when I have to throw life into chaos for a while.

2. I don’t play the piano nearly enough.  Which tends to be caused by not being around a piano enough, which can be fixed by arranging my schedule to put me near one during more of my free time.  What will be harder is actually playing the thing at those times, since there will usually be people around, which will force me to get over my Mr. Tanner complex and accept that sometimes, people will hear me make mistakes.

3. I want to get back on stage.  Soon.  Which is ridiculous, because there are so many things I do better.  Some of them people will even pay me for.  Still, though, I miss it while watching Othello rehearsals.  I wanted to jump up on stage with the Cyrano folks today.  It’s silly, it’s stupid, and I miss it.

Well, number 3 is going to take a bit of processing yet.   But tonight, now that this has all found itself a semi-sensical form, I’m going to lie here and come up with a plan.  Then, tomorrow morning, I’m going to get up and practice, and if there are people who might listen, I’ll accept that.  After that?  Well, hopefully it’s back to work, not with fear, but with grace and calm.  Not transcended or transformed, but not this weekend’s stranger, either.  There are changes to be made.  And I start now.

Even funnier than Mel’s arrest transcript…

http://www.apple.com/trailers/touchstone/apocalypto/large.html
Toward the end of the trailer, there’s a sequence of quick cuts.  When you see the monkey, pause the video and use the arrow keys to scrub back a few frames.  You may see something that doesn’t quite fit. (Thank you, Florence Chan!)

More consistent blogging once Othello starts to solidify.

Forgive the unoriginal entry title, I’m sure half the blogosphere has used it by now…but seriously, best comedy of the year.  I haven’t laughed this hard since Phantom of the Opera.

Fake Gay News does it again:

Three lesbians on a cross-country road trip were disappointed to find that the state of Iowa bore little resemblance to the Dar Williams song that they had belted as they crossed the border from Illinois.

“Where are the hills of Iowa that are supposed to make me wish I had a way with women?” demanded driver Rebecca Lally. “This place is total flatlands.”

It’s definitely time for a studio break when you go for uptempo/driving and instead hit “Blue Man Group does Blaxploitation soundtrack”. If you’re feeling brave, give it a listen.

While dutifully performing my role as a late 20’s insomnic, my brain started churning over the best episodes of television it had seen.  Not the all-time, hall-of-fame best, but the “watch these and understand (read: fear) the way my brain works” sort of episodes.  And, since I’ve never attempted to start a meme before…in the spirit of High Fidelity, top five, all-time, favorite TV episodes:

1. Twin Peaks “Beyond Life and Death”, 2×22.  The narrative is bent to (and past) the breaking point, and the small screen is pushed to its technical and conceptual limit as the series closes.  The final shot still ranks up with the last episode of Newhart as the best “gotcha!” ever filmed.

2. The West Wing “Two Cathedrals”, 2×22.  Two overlapping timelines, relentless forward motion and some of the best writing in the entire series.  The Bartlet/Mrs. Landingham storm scene.  ‘Nuff said.

3. Doctor Who (2005) “The Girl in the Fireplace”, 2×04.  I’d be comfortable putting almost anything Steven Moffat has ever written on this list (Captian Subtext, anyone?).  But if anyone needed an answer to the question, “Why watch Doctor Who?”, one simply needs to point to this episode.  Romance! Adventure! Mystery! History! Clockwork aliens! David Tennant! Sophia Myles! If you don’t believe me, wait until the fall and keep your eyes on the Sci-Fi Channel…

4. Wonderfalls “Crime Dog”, 1×05.  The first of the unaired episodes, after Fox lost their backbone quite early on.  I kept waffling between this one and “Caged Bird”, but while that episode contains some killer moments, and an ending that literally made me squeak, the Tarantino-esque construction makes it stand out from the pack a bit.  Well, that and the cow creamer.
5. Greg the Bunny “Jewel Heist”, 1×03.  Fox cancellation missteps, take 2.  While Greg might have been a little too smart and a little too feisty for its time slot, no one can say that the bunny didn’t bring the funny.  What other show would even think of Sammy Davis, Jr. Commemorative Musical Eyeballs?  What other show would take that joke and push it two more steps into the Land of Wrong?  And we haven’t even gotten to Tardy the Turtle.

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